So just what do I have, and what's gonna happen?

This is my second entry and I figured I'd spend a little time talking about what I have and what the prognosis is.  As I think about the last few weeks I realize just how crazy the ride has been and how unbelievably understanding so many people have been.  So let's start from the top shall we...

I have throat cancer in the tonsil area as well as the lymph node on the left side of my neck.  Funny thing when I tell people face to face everyone stares down to my neck like they expect to see some massive tumor poking out the side of my head.  It's in there, trust me, i just have enough fat to cover it up so you can't tell.  It's stage 3 cancer and it will be treated with Chemo and radiation simultaneously over 7 long weeks.  The stage 3 piece brings up a funny story about the type of people I work with.  Let me share...

I get a call from a senior sales executive who I have a long term connection to the other day when he heard the news.  First off, I greatly appreciated the call from him.  For the purpose of this story let's call him Johnny.  Now, let's just say you don't get to his level without being able to tell a story or two, listen to your 'customer' (me in this case), and make the person you are talking to feel like you really understand what their issue is and convince them that you have just what they need.  So as I am telling John about the diagnosis I mention it is stage 3.  At that point, John says, "oh man, stage 3, that's great. I thought you were going to say it was stage 4, then I was going to tell you everything will be ok as I hang up the phone and say to myself 'oh shit, you are screwed'.  I hadn't laughed about the cancer until that comment was made.  It lifted me up at a time I really needed to be lifted, and here's why I needed just that comment...

On Tuesday when I was told I had cancer, the oncologist from Foxboro I mentioned earlier handed me my written report.  As I scanned it I came across the line "survival rate for this diagnosis is 50%".  I pointed to the line on the report as I showed Denise.  My legs went weak and my head was spinning.  I was still sure I would be on the right side of the 50, but holy freaking cow, if that coin lands on the wrong side, this isn't working out the way I had scripted it.  After all, I still had plenty of burnt burgers to be had at Ed's house and plenty of boys to scare away from my daughters to be checking out of life so soon.

I went to work the next day Wednesday and didn't say anything until I wrote an email to five people just letting them know I may not be as responsive to their requests as I normally like to be and mentioned the diagnosis.  From that point on, word spread and I was overwhelmed with well wishes and comments that everyone was going to be there to help fight the fight.  It was in one word AWESOME.  I sent the email and literally ran from my office because I knew Joan and Susan were going to see it and come bombing down to my office and I just wasn't prepared to talk about it just yet.  Not at 50% survival rate I wasn't.  I needed to learn more before I discussed it with them or anyone. Which leads me to share another story to show the type of people I work with and why they make it impossible to have anything other than a positive outlook on things.

It's Thursday morning and I see one of our executives in the hall who knows about the diagnosis (he was on my first email to the 5 people I support.  He walks right into my personal space (so now everyone knows who he is, right), and just looks at me and says "so what the hell is going on".  We talk, I tell him, he stares through me like he's reading my mind, and says "Dana Farber, good!  They are the best, you'll beat this.  Take whatever time you need, it's not like you add value here anyway", turns and walks away.  If you work at my company and didn't know who I was talking about by my first comment, you sure as hell know now.  Net is, the people I work with are uncompromising, opinionated, aggressive, and combative.  But most importantly, they are some of the most caring people I know.  If you are lucky enough to work with people like this then kudos to you for picking a great place to be.  If you aren't, I am sorry but keep trying!

It's a little after 10am and I get the call I knew was coming.  It's Joan and Susan.  Two of the nicest (if they like you of course) people in the world.  They are like my younger sisters to me.  Anyway, I'm still at 50% but have been telling people it's 80% plus just to make everyone, including myself, feel better about the whole thing.  I walk down to them and I get directed to an empty office.  I get a hug from both of them and I start hearing sniffles (some were probably mine starting up to).  I said "call me back when you pull yourself together" and went back to my office.  I couldn't deal with that just yet.  Not until I knew more.  10 minutes later I got summoned back to the principles office and we talked.  Each time I talked about it, I felt more at ease discussing it.  That's one thing I can tell anyone dealing with something like this.  Talk about it.  If you have to cry, cry.  If you are like me and don't want to, then don't.  Take a day or two, process it, and then share.  It gets easier to accept as you go and discuss it more.  To me that is good.  Now you can focus not on the why me, or the how did it happen, but instead you focus on HOW DO WE KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THIS THING.

I mentioned in my last note I told my parents.  I also called my brother to let him know and I struggled with that conversation because it was only the second person I told.  My wife told her family and now knowledge of my battle has made its way to family, friends, and coworkers.  For family members who read this, you know how quickly the cousin train runs when a Shruhan hops aboard!  The outward show of caring, positive comments, and well wishes has been so energizing I can't tell you.  I'm learning a lot about how much it means to have people just share a quick note or call to tell you they are thinking of you.  I will be sure to do more of this myself, something I know I don't do enough.

So what's a good way to wrap up my second note.  Oh yeah, I went to Dana Farber one week after hearing my 50/50 prognosis.  The Dr at Dana Farber kept saying, "so if you choose to go with us".  I finally cut him off after the third time and said 'hey doc, you had me at hello.  can you stop saying that and get to the good stuff!'  At which point he said, and I'll remember his voice ringing in my head forever, "well, it's going to be a long year, but I would say officially 80% success, unofficially 90% PLUS!!!  He said a bunch of stuff after that, something about feeding tubes, severe pain, controlling pain blah blah blah.  I said 'sorry, you had me at hello but you lost me at 90!'  I'm in, let's get going....

So the adventure begins on the 25th with my first treatment.  A 6-8 hour chemo drip with a side order of radiation!  Bring it on and let's bake this thing!  Talk with you all soon.  Please leave comments, jokes, funny stories etc. on here and remind people to get on and share!!