I am 9 days into the recovery period now and it has definitely continued to go downhill here in the early going. The sickness is pretty much daily at some level and some days it is just brutal. Denise and I had a review with our nurse practitioner today (Jason) and on the positive side, the weight is fairly stable, and he said we are nearing the end of the declining stage. He thinks another week (so day 16-20 range) we should start to stabilize.
The helplessness really kicks in now. As we discuss options and we come up with ways to make it not suck so bad, I have to laugh as I think of some of the options.
Option: "Just as you start throwing up, take this pill and see if it shortens the sickness time by a minute or so"....
Mark's view of this option..."look man, what do you want from me. You basically poisoned me 3 times then sent me on a 7 week vacation to Chernobyl. The treat being offered to me now is let's see if we can get my puking down from 15 minutes to 14 by trying these other drugs while I'm still in the process of hurling. Well hold me down and butter my biscuit again, where do I sign up for this!
Humor aside, I know and I trust all these people that they are doing everything they can, but at some point it does become a grin and bear it approach for the patient. When the Dr is literally trying to help me make 1 minute improvements to the problem, I need to step back and say "Doc, you are doing a great job, how about I let Mr Manhood step in here and save some of your efforts and I live through that extra minute?" If he had a cure or way to prevent the sickness, sure let's experiment away, but if I'm going to make this hard working angel of mercy waste his time on me to get 1 minute save, let's move on...
Outside of the sickness, everything else is pretty good. My energy goes away immediately still but tha's all a cause from the chemo. If I help Denise wash dishes I'm ready for a nap. The energy level due to the chemo is really decreased. Makes all the normal chores difficult to do.......Good thing we had kids!!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!
Who out there is a M*A*S*H fan. Probably most if not all. Well I was watching an episode where Hawkeye gets blinded by a flash of light while trying to light a heater for the nurses (of course if was for the nurses, this is Hawkeye after all). He is lying in bed and the Army's expert opthamologist is there helping him. At this point he has checked his eyes out, dressed the area, and now it is a time of wait and see if treatments worked (hmmm, where have I been involved in something like that). Of course everyone in the camp is around at this point but his truly best friend BJ is there as well. BJ says, "I'll stop by and see you again in a while as he gets up to walk away". Even with bandages on you can see the panic in Hawkeye as he reaches for BJ's hand and grabs it as tightly as he can and says, "BJ, BJ, BJ! at least a couple hundred times a day". BJ immediately abandons any attempt at a joke here, which he and Hawkeye normally would do based on their character type, because he sees and feels Hawk's panic and anxiety at this moment. He does two simple things, he steps closer to Hawk, and in a softer voice to make it more personal says, "I will Hawk, I will".
Why did this stick with me when normally this scene would have been a good one for a bathroom break, it's because I had this happen so many times with my friends throughout this process. When I first heard about it you all know what I went through from my first couple blogs. It wasn't fun. And many of you were there to say you were routing for me, call me if you need anything, if you want to vent just call me at any time and many other offers for support. And they all came rapid fire and were very sincere. What caught me in this scene was just how many BJ Honeycutt's I am lucky enough to call a friend vs all the background people that were standing around Hawkeye's bed but were clearly background only. It's the people that keep calling, writing, texting, sending cards and doing the little things that keep you fighting and looking forward to seeing or hearing from those people that are so important to you. And it's been everyone. I am flabbergasted at how everyone has stuck with me. I've been at this for 9 weeks now. I can barely stand myself for 9 weeks, how can all of you?
For example today I received a subscription to Patriots Football Weekly out of the blue. I also got a card today that explained who it came from. Thanks to the person responsible (I want to refrain from identifying people as it may make it feel like I don't appreciate everything that everyone is doing). I also received a gift card to North End Deli which is huge with the kids going back to school and needing all their lunch meats etc.. I received a prayer card from a cousin, about 10 separate texts asking what we needed help with, are the kids ready for school, any supplies, yard work etc. needed. This is 9 weeks later. But unlike 9 weeks ago when I would have missed the significance of everyone staying with me through the whole ordeal, I know the fear Hawkeye felt. The uncertainty, the lack of knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and how it ends (and the how it ends episode is still in draft remember...).
Even more important is I feel bad at times when people call to talk and I'm just not up to it. I feel bad. I always feel like if you found me important enough to take time out of your day, then damn it I should do anything I can to get my butt up and either come down to see you, get on the phone write or whatever it is you want. You all are the first to sense in my voice (or lack of voice) and are the first to say 'go get some rest, call me when you need something or just to talk. Just use me when you need to that's all I ask'. That's such a powerful message and please don't ever forget that. The offer to help is huge. Understanding that sometimes even a phone conversation is exhausting but leaving it out there at all times as an option is huge.
Thanks everyone. Your love is felt, I'm fighting the good fight with your help, and I intend to finish this like a well run EMC sales campaign, with a Victory at the end and celebration dinner that gets rejected if I try to expense it (sure I got a chuckle from my field folks)!
Cheers
Mark.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Recovery is a four letter word
Tuesday August 13th was my final radiation treatment and a whole lot changed just over the past weekend. I have heard first hand accounts of the immense changes that take place in the final few weeks from people who have been through the treatment and I have also witnessed it firsthand with some of the people I am taking this journey with. One example happened on my final chemo day (one week before final radiation for me). A fellow fighter was entering his final few days. His final radiation was going to be that wednesday. I saw him the previous Friday and he looked and felt really good. By the time I saw him MOnday it was a complete swing of events. First off, he didn't have the feeding tube put in. His doctor pushed to do it without. And now it was too late to put it it due to the chemo and radiation effects. So from Friday when I saw him, he began getting violently sick and got dehydrated over the weekend because he also couldn't eat since the vomiting was ruining his throat and ability to swallow. We saw him walk in MOnday and he looked horrible. Last we spoke with his wife it was IV every day to try and keep him hydrated. We only saw him one day since but the look we received from his wife was not a positive one by any stretch. That was my first glimpse into what was coming our way.
I met with Dr Margalit on Friday August 9th after radiation. There were now 2 radiation treatments left and that was it. I felt really good. I mean really good. I had energy, no nausea, no pain. Even Dr Margalit said she couldn't believe how well things had progressed. I was her poster child for the final week. Of course she said the next 3-4 weeks can have ups and downs but that's standard Dr Speak for anything right? I left our meeting feeling really good about the next month and future overall. Denise and I were planning on staying in Boston for the weekend based on what we were being told and had seen take place in the final week for peers in the program but I decided I wanted to head home. Denise really did too so it was an easy conversation. Our good friend Dan Martin scooped us up and off we went. That's when some odd things began to occur. I started to notice a lot of phlegm in my throat that didn't want to get out when I coughed. It got worse during the night. On Saturday, it continued to get worse to the point where I ended up getting sick Saturday night. Then again on Sunday night several times. I woke up at 6 monday morning for radiation and spent 20 minutes getting sick again. Now I had to go to radiation, have a mask strapped to my face holding me down unable to move, with the threat of throwing up a distinct concern. They did the radiation quickly as possible thank goodness and although I was sweating like pig during a sausage eating contest the whole time, I made it through.
We met with the team Monday after the radiation to discuss why I got sick all of a sudden and they suggested some tricks with robitussin. Monday night rolled around and that didn't work at all. In fact the robitussin seemed to initiate more sickness. Then Jason suggested one other approach and I took the pill given to me for when the MRI's were done that are supposed to relax me. That worked really well. I was good the rest of Monday, all Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday right up until 4pm. I was hoping to have a couple friends come by to watch a little of the pats preseason since I had been feeling ok, but that went to hell when out of the blue I ran to the bathroom and started getting sick all over again and it was all the mucus and blood from my throat all over again. Back to square one. I hadn't missed a pill in our new regiment so I had no idea what the problem was. It is very frustrating though because along with the sickness comes new pain, blood came out which means I ripped something open again which sets that back days in the healing process as well I would imagine.
As I write this it is Saturday morning and I had a second attack. My throat is on fire, my body aches from throwing up for 20 minutes with nothing much coming out, just a painful painful experience. I don't know how this eventually ends but I sure do hope it ends one way or the other soon. The ups and downs are brutal. Especially when the 'ups' are nothing more than "hey great, I went 4 hours without throwing up, what a great day!"
The good news to report is the Patriots did well from what little I saw, my girls have most of their school stuff ready early which will help as that is just around the corner, my weight is stabliized but I can tell I am losing muscle for sure. It's amazing how quickly it deteriorates just by not doing the normal stuff around the house, forget formal exercise.
I hope everyone else's summer is going really well. Please feel free to send me notes on your vacations. I'd love to hear what you all did for fun.
thanks
mark
I met with Dr Margalit on Friday August 9th after radiation. There were now 2 radiation treatments left and that was it. I felt really good. I mean really good. I had energy, no nausea, no pain. Even Dr Margalit said she couldn't believe how well things had progressed. I was her poster child for the final week. Of course she said the next 3-4 weeks can have ups and downs but that's standard Dr Speak for anything right? I left our meeting feeling really good about the next month and future overall. Denise and I were planning on staying in Boston for the weekend based on what we were being told and had seen take place in the final week for peers in the program but I decided I wanted to head home. Denise really did too so it was an easy conversation. Our good friend Dan Martin scooped us up and off we went. That's when some odd things began to occur. I started to notice a lot of phlegm in my throat that didn't want to get out when I coughed. It got worse during the night. On Saturday, it continued to get worse to the point where I ended up getting sick Saturday night. Then again on Sunday night several times. I woke up at 6 monday morning for radiation and spent 20 minutes getting sick again. Now I had to go to radiation, have a mask strapped to my face holding me down unable to move, with the threat of throwing up a distinct concern. They did the radiation quickly as possible thank goodness and although I was sweating like pig during a sausage eating contest the whole time, I made it through.
We met with the team Monday after the radiation to discuss why I got sick all of a sudden and they suggested some tricks with robitussin. Monday night rolled around and that didn't work at all. In fact the robitussin seemed to initiate more sickness. Then Jason suggested one other approach and I took the pill given to me for when the MRI's were done that are supposed to relax me. That worked really well. I was good the rest of Monday, all Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday right up until 4pm. I was hoping to have a couple friends come by to watch a little of the pats preseason since I had been feeling ok, but that went to hell when out of the blue I ran to the bathroom and started getting sick all over again and it was all the mucus and blood from my throat all over again. Back to square one. I hadn't missed a pill in our new regiment so I had no idea what the problem was. It is very frustrating though because along with the sickness comes new pain, blood came out which means I ripped something open again which sets that back days in the healing process as well I would imagine.
As I write this it is Saturday morning and I had a second attack. My throat is on fire, my body aches from throwing up for 20 minutes with nothing much coming out, just a painful painful experience. I don't know how this eventually ends but I sure do hope it ends one way or the other soon. The ups and downs are brutal. Especially when the 'ups' are nothing more than "hey great, I went 4 hours without throwing up, what a great day!"
The good news to report is the Patriots did well from what little I saw, my girls have most of their school stuff ready early which will help as that is just around the corner, my weight is stabliized but I can tell I am losing muscle for sure. It's amazing how quickly it deteriorates just by not doing the normal stuff around the house, forget formal exercise.
I hope everyone else's summer is going really well. Please feel free to send me notes on your vacations. I'd love to hear what you all did for fun.
thanks
mark
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Final Chemo treatment down, two radiations to go, then recovery mode!
Well, it's been a long 7 weeks, and we are nearing the home stretch for treatments. Only two left. Of course, as we get closer to the end of treatments, now the Doctors start laying out what post treatment is really going to be like. Basically a few weeks of lows before stabilizing, then have to start eating normally and get the taste buds back so I can get rid of this feeding tube. Today is day 4 after chemo (so saturday afternoon) and I am not doing so well. Seems like day 4 and 5 are the worst for me which coincides with the days I stop taking the steroids so it makes sense. I felt really good Thursday and Friday but today was a long one.
My throat is on fire as well which doesn't help but the new pain meds help. I just can't wait to get another month or two down the road to HOPEFULLY get some taste back, some energy back, and feel like a productive person (hold down your comments please) again.
But more importantly what's a week without an adventure involving another member of our family. This time it was our dog Shelby. She has been summering with her friend Ellie at my sister/brother in law's house and all was going great. Until this week when she got a little bite on the leg while playing. No biggie but just to make sure it wasn't going to turn into a bigger problem we had her go to the vet for a quick medicine treatment. Amazing the little things that go haywhire when you aren't around. Of course the vet sends messages that ellie needs to be quarantined and blah blah blah...how to make a mountain out of a molehill. All's well there so we move on.
I keep getting awesome letters/notes/gifts showing support and you have no idea how much that helps. People I don't know are following, people I barely know are sending thoughts and prayers, I have candles lit for me going in London, a couple in France, bunches here in the states. It's just amazing what people bring for encouragement on a daily basis. I received a button today (thanks Gina B) that says "This is what a Cancer Survivor looks like". I'm not necessarily the best model, but I'll be wearing it proudly once that statement is confirmed true!
Which leads us to the next phase. This whole time during treatment I went in with only one optional verdict which was cancer free at the end. I know it's going to take a long time to know for sure, but I sure still feel positive. There is no room for doubt in my mind as that just can get in the way of healing, right? From what I understand the first pictures are taken in 3 months to get an early read but truly knowing the outcome takes a year of it being gone. Not the most favorable of terms but terms we need to live by so let it be and bring it on.
Dr. Margolit was great in our meeting Thursday. She has been impressed with the positive approach and says she thinks Denise and I have gotten even more positive as the physical side has gotten tougher. I think the past two weeks were easier on me due to the side issues being fixed so for me it's been much easier mentally dealing with the chemo even as the radiation has kicked into high gear and wreaked havoc in my throat over that same time. Denise and I both love meeting with Dr Margolit and Susan. They never rush anything, they ask a million questions and make sure we aren't holding back any issues at all, and they are willing to deal with me which says a lot right there. Unbelievable people who have made this thing so much easier on me and Denise. They both just make you feel like your are family, not patients to them. It's just an incredible bond they create so seamlessly.
Dr Haddad who oversees the Chemo side of things and the overall progress along with Jason Glass who has been a godsend to us especially through the sugar issues are also great favorites of ours. Denise loves Dr Haddad's laugh when I'm able to get him to laugh which isn't as often as the others. I think he misses my sarcasm sometimes but he is still a fantastic Dr and very patient as well during our meetings. I couldn't have asked for better people or a better place to get treated for this life changing event than at Dana Farber. I hope nobody reading this ever needs to go, but if you do, PLEASE PLEASE do all you can to get into one of these top rated hospitals. The care is amazing.
Thank you all. Bending your ear once a week in this blog is my outlet. Your feedback has been my strength. I will continue to write, please continue to pray. It ain't over by a longhsot!
Cheers
mark
My throat is on fire as well which doesn't help but the new pain meds help. I just can't wait to get another month or two down the road to HOPEFULLY get some taste back, some energy back, and feel like a productive person (hold down your comments please) again.
But more importantly what's a week without an adventure involving another member of our family. This time it was our dog Shelby. She has been summering with her friend Ellie at my sister/brother in law's house and all was going great. Until this week when she got a little bite on the leg while playing. No biggie but just to make sure it wasn't going to turn into a bigger problem we had her go to the vet for a quick medicine treatment. Amazing the little things that go haywhire when you aren't around. Of course the vet sends messages that ellie needs to be quarantined and blah blah blah...how to make a mountain out of a molehill. All's well there so we move on.
I keep getting awesome letters/notes/gifts showing support and you have no idea how much that helps. People I don't know are following, people I barely know are sending thoughts and prayers, I have candles lit for me going in London, a couple in France, bunches here in the states. It's just amazing what people bring for encouragement on a daily basis. I received a button today (thanks Gina B) that says "This is what a Cancer Survivor looks like". I'm not necessarily the best model, but I'll be wearing it proudly once that statement is confirmed true!
Which leads us to the next phase. This whole time during treatment I went in with only one optional verdict which was cancer free at the end. I know it's going to take a long time to know for sure, but I sure still feel positive. There is no room for doubt in my mind as that just can get in the way of healing, right? From what I understand the first pictures are taken in 3 months to get an early read but truly knowing the outcome takes a year of it being gone. Not the most favorable of terms but terms we need to live by so let it be and bring it on.
Dr. Margolit was great in our meeting Thursday. She has been impressed with the positive approach and says she thinks Denise and I have gotten even more positive as the physical side has gotten tougher. I think the past two weeks were easier on me due to the side issues being fixed so for me it's been much easier mentally dealing with the chemo even as the radiation has kicked into high gear and wreaked havoc in my throat over that same time. Denise and I both love meeting with Dr Margolit and Susan. They never rush anything, they ask a million questions and make sure we aren't holding back any issues at all, and they are willing to deal with me which says a lot right there. Unbelievable people who have made this thing so much easier on me and Denise. They both just make you feel like your are family, not patients to them. It's just an incredible bond they create so seamlessly.
Dr Haddad who oversees the Chemo side of things and the overall progress along with Jason Glass who has been a godsend to us especially through the sugar issues are also great favorites of ours. Denise loves Dr Haddad's laugh when I'm able to get him to laugh which isn't as often as the others. I think he misses my sarcasm sometimes but he is still a fantastic Dr and very patient as well during our meetings. I couldn't have asked for better people or a better place to get treated for this life changing event than at Dana Farber. I hope nobody reading this ever needs to go, but if you do, PLEASE PLEASE do all you can to get into one of these top rated hospitals. The care is amazing.
Thank you all. Bending your ear once a week in this blog is my outlet. Your feedback has been my strength. I will continue to write, please continue to pray. It ain't over by a longhsot!
Cheers
mark
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
How can I get Mark to take his pain meds???? Week 6 of treatment...
I have met quite a few fellow patients going through treatments very similar to mine. One thing I have noticed is the ones who are on the pain "patch" and oxycodone are walking around like zombies. They are all hunched over, don't say a word to anyone, and their spouses keep talking about how mean they have become due to all the meds. Now, I would love to have a good excuse to yell at Denise, but I'm really more concerned about the other drawback of the pain meds....constipation! I haven't been taking the pain meds when I probably should because of these two issues. I figured the less I take, the quicker the recovery will be. Denise has been pushing me, with the Dr's, to up the pain meds. This leads us to Saturday night and the devious plan Denise rolled out to ensure I take the medication...
It's 12:30am and I wake up for my multi night excursion to the bathroom. I unhook the pump, head in to the bathroom, and prepare for a quick hit. I look down and the water in the toilet seems low. First thought is one of my 'princesses of the pottie' stuffed too much paper in and we are clogged. So a quick calculation is done using the following information:
100% - Chance that the toilet is clogged
5% - Chance that it will unclog itself when I flush
95% - Likelihood I will need the plunger which is downstairs to fix the impending disaster
12:30am - Time at night and I am bloody tired
Quickly reviewing these items tells me that it is 12:30 at night so let's flush and hope! WRONG decision!
So I'm now running downstairs with my feeding tube bouncing all over the place. I run and grab the plunger and shoot back upstairs. Gotta beat the flood, gotta beat the flood, gotta beat the flood!!!!
I run into the bathroom and plant my left foot on the ceramic tile floor that is now under an inch of water. Let's review this sentence. 240 pounds running and planting onto a submerged piece of ceramic tile. You may all see where this one is heading in a hurry. I stepped about 2 feet into the bathroom, went horizontal and airborne until my foot hit the far wall and I crashed in a pile onto the floor. I landed flat on my back, thank goodness kept my head up, and the crash woke Denise up. I got up and plunged to get the toilet to stop and then threw a bunch of towels down with Denise. Once we finished picking up the water, Denise looked at me, smiled a crooked smile, and said, "you might want to take your pain meds now". She's good. She's very good. Checkmate.
Fortunately I woke up with nothing more than a bruise and a stiff neck. Could have been worse if I hadn't been on this new diet plan that shed 36 pounds off me last we checked.
The good news is we are running out of time for things to happen to me. Always a silver lining behind every cloud! I am writing this Monday night August 5th. I have 6 radiation treatments left and one chemo treatment tomorrow to go through. Then the long recovery road begins. YES!!!
Denise told me a great story I'd like to share about me oldest daughter Corinne. They were out running errands Friday night. Denise asks her where she would want to take a vacation because we want to do a family trip together since this summer has been so bad. Corinne, without missing a beat says, "well, I know Daddy doesn't feel good, but I've been having a great summer!" You have to love the honesty. She's been with her friends and cousins throughout this so when you look at it that way, I guess she is having a blast. That makes me feel great. Denise and I have always stayed upbeat with them and they have been great through this whole thing.
Quick update on the reason I started this blog. Time for a Cancer update. Last week was my best as far as how I have felt. Some ups and downs but the blood sugar being under control has been huge. No more weak knees, dizzy spells, nausea etc.. Like a rollercoaster however, you can't have an up without a down just around the corner. Friday night my throat started hurting and by Saturday afternoon it was the most severe pain I have felt when trying to swallow. It was expected and I knew it was coming, but boy did it come quickly and with a vengeance! So now it's the pain patch on one arm and oxy every 4 hours to boot. I'm on my way to the store for a gallon of prune juice....remember my second fear...
To wrap up this week I need to give an incredibly heart felt thank you to all the Pan Mass riders I had the privilege to cheer for this week. And most specifically to one of my dearest friends who was riding it, Mark Buron. Mark lost his mother to Cancer some years ago and he and a group of his friends ride this each year and have the names of family and friends on their t-shirt. I hate to say it, but I made the shirt this year and couldn't be more thankful to them. I went to the church off of Old Post road in North Attleboro. I was cheering on the riders when I saw Mark and his friends approaching. Dave Hughes was with him and I have met Dave several times. Another really great guy. Unlike prior years that I've gone to greet them either at the finish or at the church, this time really meant something tome personally. As I watched the riders go by, I couldn't help but flash back to the PMC murals at the hospital, the amount of money raised by the Challenge which goes to Cancer research to help kill this bastard of a disease. I was definitely feeling somewhat emotional when I finally saw Mark riding up and he pulled to the side to say hi. That's when my emotions overcame me for the first time since I started treatments. Everything just came rushing in. The babies getting treatment, the wonderful people at the hospital and what they do day in and day out, the children, the breakthroughs, the cures and treatments available today due in large part to people like Mark that do these things to raise money to fight the fight. Just as he was riding up to say hi I recalled something Dr. Haddad said to me on the first day we met at the hospital. I discussed it in my first blog. He asked if I had any questions. I said yes, am I going to die. He said no. But more importantly we discussed the 50/50 odds the prior doctor shared with me. He said 5-10 years ago that would have been true. We have come a long way in 5 and 10 years due to research being done. This is due to Mark and people like him who do what they do each year and each day to get ready for the ride from donations to training. Without these efforts I could easily have been a coin flip away from being a statistic on a report but on the wrong side of that report. While I am a long way from knowing if this disease is cured in my specific case, the odds that I have now are astronomically better due to what all these riders are doing. Simply put, I lost it. I tried to pull the weather in to the conversation to cover it but it didn't help. All I could picture was 50/50 on one side of the tug of war rope and 90+ % on the other side with Mark's team on that side of the rope pulling with every fiber of their being. Thank You Mark and your entire team. God Bless every one of you that take this challenge on. Please know your efforts are appreciated by patients, nurses, doctors and those touched by cancer every day.
Thanks for the support everyone. We are almost into recovery mode which has 2-3 weeks of what the Dr. called today the most challenging time of the process before it gets better. Please stick with me. Your support means everything.
Cheers
mark
It's 12:30am and I wake up for my multi night excursion to the bathroom. I unhook the pump, head in to the bathroom, and prepare for a quick hit. I look down and the water in the toilet seems low. First thought is one of my 'princesses of the pottie' stuffed too much paper in and we are clogged. So a quick calculation is done using the following information:
100% - Chance that the toilet is clogged
5% - Chance that it will unclog itself when I flush
95% - Likelihood I will need the plunger which is downstairs to fix the impending disaster
12:30am - Time at night and I am bloody tired
Quickly reviewing these items tells me that it is 12:30 at night so let's flush and hope! WRONG decision!
So I'm now running downstairs with my feeding tube bouncing all over the place. I run and grab the plunger and shoot back upstairs. Gotta beat the flood, gotta beat the flood, gotta beat the flood!!!!
I run into the bathroom and plant my left foot on the ceramic tile floor that is now under an inch of water. Let's review this sentence. 240 pounds running and planting onto a submerged piece of ceramic tile. You may all see where this one is heading in a hurry. I stepped about 2 feet into the bathroom, went horizontal and airborne until my foot hit the far wall and I crashed in a pile onto the floor. I landed flat on my back, thank goodness kept my head up, and the crash woke Denise up. I got up and plunged to get the toilet to stop and then threw a bunch of towels down with Denise. Once we finished picking up the water, Denise looked at me, smiled a crooked smile, and said, "you might want to take your pain meds now". She's good. She's very good. Checkmate.
Fortunately I woke up with nothing more than a bruise and a stiff neck. Could have been worse if I hadn't been on this new diet plan that shed 36 pounds off me last we checked.
The good news is we are running out of time for things to happen to me. Always a silver lining behind every cloud! I am writing this Monday night August 5th. I have 6 radiation treatments left and one chemo treatment tomorrow to go through. Then the long recovery road begins. YES!!!
Denise told me a great story I'd like to share about me oldest daughter Corinne. They were out running errands Friday night. Denise asks her where she would want to take a vacation because we want to do a family trip together since this summer has been so bad. Corinne, without missing a beat says, "well, I know Daddy doesn't feel good, but I've been having a great summer!" You have to love the honesty. She's been with her friends and cousins throughout this so when you look at it that way, I guess she is having a blast. That makes me feel great. Denise and I have always stayed upbeat with them and they have been great through this whole thing.
Quick update on the reason I started this blog. Time for a Cancer update. Last week was my best as far as how I have felt. Some ups and downs but the blood sugar being under control has been huge. No more weak knees, dizzy spells, nausea etc.. Like a rollercoaster however, you can't have an up without a down just around the corner. Friday night my throat started hurting and by Saturday afternoon it was the most severe pain I have felt when trying to swallow. It was expected and I knew it was coming, but boy did it come quickly and with a vengeance! So now it's the pain patch on one arm and oxy every 4 hours to boot. I'm on my way to the store for a gallon of prune juice....remember my second fear...
To wrap up this week I need to give an incredibly heart felt thank you to all the Pan Mass riders I had the privilege to cheer for this week. And most specifically to one of my dearest friends who was riding it, Mark Buron. Mark lost his mother to Cancer some years ago and he and a group of his friends ride this each year and have the names of family and friends on their t-shirt. I hate to say it, but I made the shirt this year and couldn't be more thankful to them. I went to the church off of Old Post road in North Attleboro. I was cheering on the riders when I saw Mark and his friends approaching. Dave Hughes was with him and I have met Dave several times. Another really great guy. Unlike prior years that I've gone to greet them either at the finish or at the church, this time really meant something tome personally. As I watched the riders go by, I couldn't help but flash back to the PMC murals at the hospital, the amount of money raised by the Challenge which goes to Cancer research to help kill this bastard of a disease. I was definitely feeling somewhat emotional when I finally saw Mark riding up and he pulled to the side to say hi. That's when my emotions overcame me for the first time since I started treatments. Everything just came rushing in. The babies getting treatment, the wonderful people at the hospital and what they do day in and day out, the children, the breakthroughs, the cures and treatments available today due in large part to people like Mark that do these things to raise money to fight the fight. Just as he was riding up to say hi I recalled something Dr. Haddad said to me on the first day we met at the hospital. I discussed it in my first blog. He asked if I had any questions. I said yes, am I going to die. He said no. But more importantly we discussed the 50/50 odds the prior doctor shared with me. He said 5-10 years ago that would have been true. We have come a long way in 5 and 10 years due to research being done. This is due to Mark and people like him who do what they do each year and each day to get ready for the ride from donations to training. Without these efforts I could easily have been a coin flip away from being a statistic on a report but on the wrong side of that report. While I am a long way from knowing if this disease is cured in my specific case, the odds that I have now are astronomically better due to what all these riders are doing. Simply put, I lost it. I tried to pull the weather in to the conversation to cover it but it didn't help. All I could picture was 50/50 on one side of the tug of war rope and 90+ % on the other side with Mark's team on that side of the rope pulling with every fiber of their being. Thank You Mark and your entire team. God Bless every one of you that take this challenge on. Please know your efforts are appreciated by patients, nurses, doctors and those touched by cancer every day.
Thanks for the support everyone. We are almost into recovery mode which has 2-3 weeks of what the Dr. called today the most challenging time of the process before it gets better. Please stick with me. Your support means everything.
Cheers
mark
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