There are ups and downs I'm told...but when exactly are the ups coming?

Hey everyone, it's been a couple weeks since I wrote.  The last trip to Dana Farber was one to see about the lack of sleep and the issue with the tingling in the fingers and hands.  They fixed that by taking me off all the drugs for diabetes.  That was great news.  I felt better immediately and starting sleeping like a champ for the next 4 days.  Then Tuesday hit and all hell broke loose on me.

It was Tuesday afternoon and my throat felt all congested most of the day.  I commented to Denise that it felt like it was closing up on me all day.  Later that afternoon I was alone in the house and went in to use the bathroom.  I coughed as I was walking down the hall and the next thing I knew it was me, a small towel on the floor and the Standard Toilet stamp staring me in the face.  Holy cow I thought my toes were going to come shooting out my throat I was in there so long.  Other than an excellent ab workout, there was nothing good about this little episode....except that it was probably the easiest of the next 10 days.

I started getting sick once a day through that week into the weekend.  Fortunately that following Monday there was a change to the routine so I knew my body was at least doing something.  Yeah, I started throwing up multiple times each day instead of just once.  I couldn't eat, drink, nothing.  I was back 100% on the feeding tube and hating it.

I went to Dana Farber on October 10th and they said my throat looked great, my red and white blood cells were acting ahead of schedule to hit normal levels, and they couldn't believe how little pain meds I was using.  All good.  Unfortunately nothing to make the throwing up stop.

That all lasted through about October 12th.  Since then (today is the 17th) I have gotten sick every other day, BUT I am forcing the Ensure shakes and some food down my throat and fighting the urge to get sick every minute I do it.  I'm sick of being out of the action.  With the kids, work, social events, friends, you name it, I miss it.  I have been to about 5 kids soccer games and basically nothing else.  If I talk for more than 15 minutes my throat sends me running to the bathroom.  It's been the most frustrating time only because I'm 9 weeks removed from treatments and I thought I'd be further along.  I did just get a note from my west coast cancer partner Tom who said he kept his feeding tube in a long time past what he expected to as well.  You just don't realize I guess how much your body went through and that it takes this long to recover.

What's more frustrating is i'm losing any muscle mass I had.  Pretty soon my boss at work might have a shot at taking me out.  This isn't a negative against him, he's a great guy, just a bit more of a southern gentleman that a brawler.  If I lose to him in arm wrestling i'll cry!  It has really broken me down as I feel tired and achy constantly now.  I went for a walk yesterday and had to struggle to keep up with Denise.  Did those of you who know Denise read what I just wrote!  I HAD TO STRUGGLE TO KEEP UP WITH DENISE!!!  Does that tell you how bad it's gotten?  Usually when we walk I feel like I'm going to fall backwards we move so slow.  Now it's like the Indy 500 for me.  Argghhh!

Well, I've bitched long enough this time.  My spirits stay strong thanks to my family and friends.  I get my daily text from Jean, my constant emails from work friends, and texts and calls from my friends here at home checking in to see how all is.  My brother is flying up from Florida next weekend so that will be great to see him, and any time I try to feel sorry for myself, I get constant reminders in the news and visits to Dana of just how good I have it.

By the way, November 5th is the test date to see if all this worked or not.  Stay tuned, I hope to post something positive that night and start the transition from tired achy recovery patient to lively energetic survivor.

Thanks everyone.  Your prayers, notes, calls and constant comments for me to stop being such a pansy keep me moving forward.  Denise and my girls God Bless You, I love you, thank you for everything.

Jumping out to watch game 6 Bosox/Detroit.  Cheers everyone and cherish everything you have.